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And, speaking of senior moments:
"WHERE is my SUNDAY paper?!" The irate customer calling the newspaper office loudly demanded, wanting to know where her Sunday edition was.
"Madam", said the newspaper employee, "today is Saturday. The Sunday paper is not delivered until tomorrow, on SUNDAY".
There was quite a long pause on the other end of the phone, followed by a ray of recognition as she was heard to mutter, "Well, darn... so that's why no one was at church today".

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Archeology Find
 
 After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year, New York scientists found
 traces of copper wire dating back 100 years and came to the conclusion, that
 their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 100 years ago.
 
 Not to be out-done by the New Yorkers, in the weeks that followed, in
 California an archaeologist dug to a depth of 20 feet, and shortly after,
 headlines in the LA Times newspaper read: 'California archaeologists have
 found traces of 200 year old copper wire and have concluded that their
 ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network a hundred
 years earlier than the New Yorkers.'
 
 One week later, a local newspaper in Texas, reported the following:
 After digging as deep as 30 feet in his pasture near Cut-n-Shoot, Montgomery
 County, Texas, Bubba Rathbone, a self-taught archaeologist, reported
 that he found absolutely nothing. Bubba has therefore concluded that 300
 years ago, Texas had already gone wireless.
 
 Thank God for Bubba.

 
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Angelic Antics

A Sunday school teacher asked her little children, as they were on the way to church service, 'And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?'
One bright little girl replied, 'Because people are sleeping.'
 

The preacher was wired for sound with a lapel mike, and as he preached, he moved briskly about the platform, jerking the mike cord as he went.
Then he moved to one side, getting wound up in the cord and nearly tripping before jerking it again. After several circles and jerks, a little girl in the third pew leaned toward her mother and whispered, 'If he gets loose, will he hurt us?'
 

Six-year old Angie and her four-year old brother Joel were sitting together in church. Joel giggled, sang and talked out loud.
Finally, his big sister had had enough. 'You're not supposed to talk out loud in church.'
'Why? Who's going to stop me?' Joel asked.
Angie pointed to the back of the church and said, 'See those two men standing by the door? They're hushers.'
 

My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, 'Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike?'
I mentally polished my halo while I asked, 'No, how are we alike?'
'You're both old,' he replied.
 

A ten-year old, under the tutelage of her grandmother, was becoming quite knowledgeable about the Bible.
Then one day she floored her grandmother by asking, 'Which Virgin was the mother of Jesus? The Virgin Mary or the King James Virgin?'
 
 
A Sunday school class was studying the Ten Commandments. They were ready to discuss the last one. The teacher asked if anyone could tell her what it was.
Susie raised her hand, stood tall, and quoted, 'Thou shall not take the covers off the neighbor's wife.'


A little boy was in a relative's wedding. As he was coming down the aisle, he would take two steps, stop, and turn to the crowd. While facing the crowd, he would put his hands up like claws and roar. So it went, step, step, ROAR, step, step, ROAR, all the way down the aisle. As you can imagine the crowd was near tears by the time he reached the pulpit.
The little boy, however, was getting more and more distressed from all the laughing, and was also near tears by the time he reached the pulpit.
When asked what he was doing, the child sniffed and said, 'I was being the Ring Bear.'
 

One Sunday in a Midwest city, a young child was 'acting up' during the morning worship hour. The parents did their best to maintain some sense of order in the pew but were losing the battle. Finally, the father picked the little fellow up and walked sternly up the aisle on his way out.
Just before reaching the safety of the foyer, the little one called loudly to the congregation, 'Pray for me! Pray for me!'


And one particular four-year old prayed, 'And forgive us our trash baskets as we forgive those who put trash in our baskets.'

A little boy was overheard praying: 'Lord, if you can't make me a better boy, don't worry about it. I'm having a real good time like I am.'
 
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With age comes wisdom.



A guy is 80 years old and loves to fish and play golf. He was sitting in his boat the other day when he heard a voice say, "Pick me up."

He looked around and couldn't see any one. He thought he was dreaming when he heard the voice say again, "Pick me up."

He looked in the water and there, floating on the top, was a frog.The man said, "Are you talking to me?"

The frog said, "Yes, I'm talking to you. Pick me up. Then, kiss me and I'll turn into the most beautiful woman you have ever seen.

I'll make sure that all your friends are envious and jealous because I will be your bride!"

The man looked at the frog for a short time, reached over, picked it up carefully, and placed it in his front breast pocket.

Then the frog said, "What, are you nuts? Didn't you hear what I said? I said kiss me and I will be your beautiful bride."

He opened his pocket, looked at the frog and said, "Nah, at my age I'd rather have a talking frog."

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The Church Gossip

Mildred, the church gossip, and self-appointed monitor of the church's morals, kept sticking her nose in to other people's business. Several members did not approve of her extra curricular activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence.

 She made a mistake, however, when she accused Elmer, a new member, of being an alcoholic after she saw his old pickup parked in front of the town's only bar one afternoon. She emphatically told Elmer (and several others) that everyone seeing it there would know exactly what he was doing! 
Elmer, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and just turned and walked away. He didn't explain, defend, or deny... he said nothing.

 Later that evening, Elmer quietly parked his pickup in front of Mildred's house... walked home... and left it there all night.

 You gotta love Elmer.

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INNOCENCE IS PRICELESS

One Sunday morning, the pastor noticed little Alex standing in the foyer of the church staring up at a large plaque. It was covered with names and small American flags mounted on either side of it. 

The six-year old had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the pastor walked up, stood beside the little boy, and said quietly, 'Good morning Alex.'

'Good morning Pastor,' he replied, still focused on the plaque. 'Pastor, what is this?'

The pastor said, 'Well son, it's a memorial to all the young men and women who died in the service.'

Soberly, they just stood together, staring at the large plaque.

Finally, little Alex's voice, barely audible and trembling with fear asked, 'Which service, the 8:30 or the 10:45?'

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I Want to get Married

A six-year-old boy told his father he wanted to marry the little girl across the street.  The father, being modern and well-schooled in handling children, hid his smile behind his hand.
'That's a serious step,' he said. 'Have you thought it out completely?' ?
'Yes,' his young son answered. 'We can spend one week in my room and the next in hers. It's right across the street, so I can run home if I get scared of the dark.'
'How about transportation?' the father a sked.
'I have my wagon, and we both have our tricycles,' the little boy answered.
The boy had an answer to every question the father raised.
Finally, in exasperation, his dad asked, 'What about babies? When you're married, you're liable to have babies, you know.'
'We've thought about that, too,' the little boy replied.
'We're not going to have babies. Every time she lays an egg, I'm going to step on it!'

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